But not today! (Or in Nottingham, if you are Robin Hood).
I think I may be back on the road to having pneumonia again. I can't tell if it is allergies and exercise or sick. Either way I want it to go away.
Today at school was so frustrating. You would think that at this point in the school year (Day 146 of 180) that my class would be able to function without being told every little thing they need to do. But, alas, that simply isn't the case. I think it begins to wear on me at this point. You can only be patient so many times and then it just become irritating. In fact, I had two students today that I usually have to baby along that I simply told them at the beginning of the day that I refused to baby them and that if they wanted to slack off, to go for it. I did my absolute best to ignore them and their behavior today. The finny thing was that one of them actually worked better today than they had in the past. This event, and others in the recent past, have lead me to believe that possibly I am not being the best teacher. Most all the kids like me as their teacher, but I don't feel that any, if few, are actually learning anything. Hence I begin to question my teaching strategies and ideals. This may be the beginning of a teaching revolution- where I wage war on my own teaching practices looking for ways to conquer the enemy known as stagnant, ineffective teaching practices. I have never felt that I just "turned the page" in my lessons. I usually invest 5-8 hours a weekend preparing for the next week (and this is non-paid time). I begin to question the value of this. In light of recent events, I think that I may re-evaluate this practice. This leads to another whole new dilemma of being able to stand by what I have said to myself and not let "the kids" allow me to revert to things I have taken away. I guess that is a HUGE weakness of mine. That I want SO MUCH for the kids to learn, that I am willing to "eat it" in the management department so they can have the "learning opportunity" that they really didn't earn. I guess guilt plays huge into my personality. I don't like feeling like I have let someone down, so I try to be the peacekeeper and make everyone happy. Top that with a sprinkle of perfectionist and a dash of anxiety and you have one really messed up person- Mr. Hughes.
So, as you can see this has been a week, so far, of great depth as far as wanting to reflect on my teaching and life in general. I don't know where this will lead. I truly think it will be out of this town and on to a different adventure. I have to teach here for at least 3 more years because of a contract that I have, but at the expiration of that commitment, our little family will be truly looking at a new adventure- one that may take me out of education all together. My wife and I have talked about this quite a bit, and it would be really hard on our family, but maybe better for my health and happiness. I know that I have blogged many times on this subject, and every time I have relented my feelings knowing that making a change would lead to lots of change and upheaval of my little herd. But I don't see that happening this time. I could be wrong, but as I get further and further into my administrative licensure, I am realizing that this isn't really I wanted to deal with. All being a principal is is a glorified teacher. Instead of dealing with just a class, you deal with teachers who have the potential to be just as unruly AS the students, plus the students, parents, community, AND district to contend with. I don't know, it is all VERY overwhelming.
Well, this has been great therapy for me.