I know, I know. The header is a mile and a half long. Such is life. I think that this week has been a trial. I know I left off on a positive note in my last post, and I am glad that I did. This week hasn't been horrible, just a trial in the sense that I really have a strong need to push through material so that my students are exposed, and I feel that I am just not going anywhere. I don't know about you, but I strongly dislike spinning my wheels for long.
And then, as I was leaving school, I reflected back on my day, and out of the blue I said outloud to myself, "I am a boring teacher!". I looked around to see if I really HAD said that, of if someone was around saying what I was feeling. I have long told my students that a bored person is a boring person. Is that true in reverse? Is a boring person a bored person?
As I look back over this week and the other weeks that have added up to the 108 school day, I know that I have taught all of my students something, but I wanted to teach them everything. What is the course of action with a student that simply seems to have given up? I can't give up on him/her. It isn't in my blood to do that. I don't want to yell or degrade, that never made anyone a better person- not to mention it is stooping to a lower level and is totally beneath the behavior of a teacher. I want to shake them (gently) and show them their future (darn crystal ball thing) and say, "Is this really what you want? To be a fry cook (or motel maid, store clerk, etc)for the rest of your life, not because you chose too, but because you HAD too! Because you didn't have a better education that allowed to work in a higher paying, more satisfying job???"
Anyways, I don't have a crystal ball and I don't touch my students (other than a high-five each time they enter the room) so those options are out. I refuse to degrade (at least I try really, really hard to be good), and so that leaves me right where I currently am. Sitting at home, working hard to put on a happy face for my family, and knowing that something has to change somewhere before I have a mental or emotional breakdown. That may seem dramatic, but I assure you it is not.
I won't give up, I won't give in, I will Keep On Trying!
Later...
Please don't have a breakdown. STOP doing so much, I would go crazy doing just half of what you do! You are amazing. I love you and admire you so much! Just remember that we are never given more than we can handle. And that he is sharing your burden with you, just ask for his help and he will carry you through the times you don't think you can handle, and guide you through the ones you are worried about. You are so amazing. Just remember how many people love you and we are always here for you.
ReplyDeleteDido to Coralie's comment. You are a wonderful teacher and only want the best for your students. I know that everything in life seems really sucky right now (well maybe that is just my life), but I am trying to survive with the fact that life will go on and we can have lemons or lemonade(for 25 cents of course). Keep up the good work and it will pay off...eventually :)
ReplyDeleteI have to say the same thing - it isn't really that bad. Those kids are trying to push your buttons. See how serious you will get and they are learning. I've seen a change in them in the few months I've been working with you all during writing workshop. We all have our days. Some are worse than others but we all have them. You need a break - away from school and family (you have school aged children at home and that only adds to your anxiety and frustration - and I'm not saying that you don't want to be around them but you need a break). You need a you break - just a few hours or a day or two - go somewhere you have you can be by yourself, refresh your mind, refresh your body and pray and meditate. When you return you will feel like a new person, ready to tackle the most difficult of days. If that doesn't work, then take three deep breaths - breathe in through the nose and release out through the mouth, holding for a count of 10 - by the third release you will feel all your anxiety and frustruation dissolve. I promise it isn't as bad as it feels.
ReplyDeleteNow breathe, in and out, count to 10 and slowly release that frustration before you really do have a breakdown - E :)
You sound like an amazing teacher...obviously you care so much about your students and want them to do well. I'm sure that there are a lot of teachers out there that don't care! Keep up the great work!
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