Welcome to Day #19 of our adventure here in Provo, Utah. As I think back over the past almost three weeks, I am overwhelmed on so many levels. The first wave hit when the reality of what was happening washed over me. That was a dark, horrific time. You don't understand just how much you rely on someone and how little you feel you did to express that dependence until the one you want to share it with most desperately is unable to understand or know.
Then, I was overwhelmed with the complete outpouring of love and support we have received. The cards, e-mails, FB posts, and donations of time and money. I may not have reacted in way that expressed that wave of overwhelming gratitude, embarrassment at distracting everyone's lives, and humbleness. But I can tell you that once the numbness wore off, I was more than emotional (which is something that is foreign to me). I have learned that when someone offers to help, I need to offer a simple thank you for the help, and graciously accept what is being offered. I am getting better, but I still have a hard time taking from others. I struggle taking from others when I know that for some, their situation is just a precarious as ours. I work hard to remember that they will be blessed for their kindness. That helps a little bit.
Now I am just overwhelmed as I think about lies ahead. This event will change our family, probably forever. Not only will we be working through financial decisions and challenges, but we will be dealing with the after-effects of this experience in relation to her body for weeks, months, and possibly years to come. We have anger and frustration to work through and deal with. We have so much lost time to try and make up for with our children. My wife is aching to hold her baby of which she has barely seen or touched. I am almost more afraid of what lies ahead than what we are dealing with right now. I don't share a lot of this worry with my wife. She has PLENTY to worry about with this added on. But I think she can sense it. I know that it will be okay...that is the part that gives me the most comfort. Far too many people love her and care about her for this not to be okay.
Thanks for listening to me ramble there for a minute. Now, on with the day and how my wife is doing-
As a side note: I have been writing these last few posts throughout the day because I can not stay awake at night to do a complete write-up. Therefore, you may notice a disconnect once in a while. I apologize for that in advance, but the posts are what they are...
Today has been fantastic so far. I was SO proud of myself for getting up at 7:30am and getting ready. I was out the door by 8:00am and kissing my wife good morning by 8:10am (stupid stoplight wouldn't change...grrrr). I got the low down from her on the Dr. report. She is scheduled to have a CT scan on Monday and then they will decide whether to start removing the drains from that scan. Dr. Lichti also allowed her to move up the food chain to non-clear liquids. Yea!
Her PT went really well. I was very proud of how easily she got out of bed (okay, so we are talking comparatively here...she still needed lots of help and can't do it alone, but she did it much quicker today). She did four laps around the ICU block and then came in for a landing. I am surprised she didn't get a speeding ticket from the ICU nurses. lol.
I decided to head up to lunch after she was back and settled in her bed. When I returned I was delightedly surprised to find a friend from Green River sitting in the room with my wife. (Thanks Kristin). We had a wonderful afternoon visiting with her. While Kristin was here, my wife had her second PT session. She wanted to do to the patio again, so we tagged along and visited with her and with each other. It was again a beautiful day. Slight breeze, beautiful sunny afternoon. When we returned Kristin stayed for a while longer and then said she needed to leave. Just as she was leaving, Bridget Meadows stopped by with "girl essentials" for my wife. I continue to be overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and concern.
After they left, we both took a short nap. That was nice. Then we were pleased to have the McFarlanes show up. We visited and then they took me to dinner (thanks for the nice dinner). Afterwards we returned to the hospital for a while to visit and then they headed home.
There is something about visitors, especially those from your current home town, that make things seem doable, survival-able, and a reality check- "wow, I did really live in a house in that community and do things and have a job and...".
So, thanks everyone for the reality check.
Currently we are just relaxing. My wife is falling asleep so I am going to end this and head out so she can rest. I put some amazing lotion on her feet (thanks for that amazing friend) and I think it is working its relaxing effect. :)
I need to say thanks to my parents and those who are working to keep my yard up. Steph from across the street FB some pictures for me today. As you can see in the pictures below, my yard is receiving amazing care. Probably better than if I was at home. So, thanks to those who are working so hard on it (especially you my dear mother. I know you are working hard and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!).
Until tomorrow...Thanks for everything...