Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day #21- Adult ICU (The Day of Rest)

Today marks our 21st day here at the hospital.
3 weeks.
21 days.
504 hours.
30,240 minutes.
1,814,400 seconds.
Time that wasn't wasted, per say, because  looking at where we started and where we ended up- we have been very blessed. Sadly, it is just time that could have been spent watching our son play little league, bonding with our seven week old baby that doesn't even know we really exist, enjoying the cool evenings on our front patio with our kids, snuggling on the couch with our babies and watching TV or reading a book.

I know,
I know,
I know.

I can't change what has happened, I can't make it all better, and I most certainly shouldn't continue to harbor the anger and frustration that seems to come and go in waves. I can only hope that in time I will be able to deal with it and move on. I think once we are home and have reestablished some normalcy, I will have a chance to confront and deal with those feelings that I am currently repressing. All that matters right now is that we get my wife home healthy.

Today was a good day. I was pretty late getting to her room. I didn't even get out of bed until 9:00am and it was 9:40am before I was able to kiss her good morning. I had already missed her chest x-rays (which I didn't even know she was having) and her PT session. What a slacker I am...

The nurse did come in shortly after I arrived and let us know that the x-rays looked "pristine". So that was nice. I guess they were checking for pneumonia.  My wife was trying to eat her breakfast when I arrived and did a pretty good job of getting a few bites down of everything they gave her. She is eating more and more food, little by little. This is where patience comes in. Yippeee...NOT.

She actually spent a decent part of the morning dozing off and on. I spent the morning syncing my iPod to my laptop which meant a complete disaster for me, but I got it all worked out. Sometime around noon, we had our weekly sacrament visitors who came and gave us the sacrament and a spiritual thought. I love that. It helps keep us anchored in a little normalcy. After that I simply sat by my wife and held her hand until around 2pm when he PT team arrived and I headed out to wash my laundry and have dinner in Springville with Colter and Becky. Colter also gave me a haircut. It was nice. I went from Grizzly Adams to Mr. Hughes again.
As you can see from this crappy picture my hair is much shorter and hopefully less gray. I can't thank my Springville friends enough for their continued help and support by feeding me and letting me use their laundry room. You two are life savers (cherry flavored, even).

When I returned from dinner and clothes washing, I found my sister Suzette and two of her children visiting with my wife. It was nice to chat with her for a while. When she decided to leave (7pm) I walked her part way out and was pleased to see Aunt Patsy and Uncle Larry heading in. I was able to walk back up the room with them. It wasn't but a few minutes later that my wife's parents arrived to say hello for a while as well. Her parents had come all the way from Green River after dropping off my little herd at home. I know that my wife was very appreciative of them coming all that way to see her. They all left around 9pm and I headed down to the Crap-pa West (Cafe West- that is the name one of the nurses told me. When he said that I laughed pretty hard... the food IS getting a bit old, I must say.) While I was eating, my wife decided to try her regular Boost drink. She actually got the entire bottle down. I was very proud of her.

Tomorrow is a day that should bring lots of answers, and with any luck, no new questions. She is going to have to drink about 6 cups of liquid for her scan. She is anxious about that. They told her if she can't, they will put a tube down her nose and pump it into her stomach. I hope they don't have to do that... blah.

If things look good, they will start removing some, if not all, of her five drains and possibly move us to the main floor (medical tower). This means that our children could come and see their mom. It has been 3 weeks since my wife has touched her children and remembers doing it.

I know that she is improving. I can see it in her face, her attitude, and her conversation. But I also know that in her heart she is aching something fierce for her babies, especially her now 10+ lbs, 7 week old baby that she has missed the last 3 weeks of her life.

It hurts me too.

I wish I could make everything all better, wave a wand and erase this whole experience. Then I stop and think for a minute about all that has happened. I wouldn't wish this on anyone EVER, and I wish with all my heart I had acted like a responsible spouse and took my wife to a doctor that would listen to her.

But, I also stop to think about the events that have taken place since we arrived here and I know that blessings are being earned and given and shared. All I can do is thank my Father in Heaven for all the blessings that have been poured out on my family and those who have reached out to help us.

 I have said it before, and I will say it again here- I know this will change our family forever. I know that my wife and I will feel indebted and almost guilty for all the love and support we hav required of others during this time, for the rest of our mortal lives.

Thanks for all your love and support. I will update you tomorrow as soon as I have any information to share.

Later...

6 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to hear that Alisha's doing better every day! What a trial you have been through! Hopefully she will get to see her kids soon! That would be really hard, I can't even imagine. I enjoy your blog and getting updates every day. I'll keep you both in my prayers, hopefully you can go home soon!
    Sarah Weeks Hall

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  2. About those feelings you are stuffing down, it sounds to me like grief. You had a life and you lost it, that life you knew so well. It sounds to me like you already know that.

    I hope very, very soon that your children get to see their mom. More than anyone, they need that.

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  3. john, i just wanted to say, that we truely love you guys! we ache to think of all that you guys have gone through and all that is yet to come. but i have to say that it makes my heart soar to hear that you are able to see the positives and the blessings that have come from this experience. there are so many that can't. it isn't easy...especially as you are going through it.

    those feelings, as conflicting as they are, are normal and even good. you guys have had life altering events and you have to get through those stages to be a normal, sane person. don't beat yourself up for it. :)

    so soon you guys will be back home with your babies!! you are SOOO close! i can feel it! we can't wait! the bummer part is, it will just figure that the big arival back in green river will be when we are all at girls camp! LOL we'll see! ;)

    keep your chin up! you're almost there!! you guys continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

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  4. Good luck with the CT today. Praying for great news and more progress. Love you guys!

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  5. Just remember, you don't have to feel guilty for all the people who have blessed your life through this. They are receiving awesome blessings of their own. And.....all you ever have to do is pay it forward. We love you all!!
    Patsy and Larry

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  6. I like how Patsy stated how everyone is receiving blessings of their own and all you and anyone else has to do is pay it forward. You are in our thoughts and prayers and waiting anxiously for you all to be home - back to the wind and heat!!!! See you this coming Thursday afternoon.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts...

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