Here's To A New Week

Picture Courtesy of MD Photography 

Pondering.
Thinking.
Meditating.

Weekends are essential for all professionals, but I think more so for teachers. Working day in and day out with students can really wear on your soul. As an educator, you become so ingrained in your student's lives (supporting, teaching, explaining, supporting, encouraging, parenting, counseling, supporting, crying over) that you need to have a break to regroup.

I am reminded of a poster at our high school. It listed all the services that teachers provide and then the tag line was "The Service is All Hours". I love the play on words there. It is a pleasure and an honor to work with the youth of today- to try and get them to see themselves as we, their teachers, see them- A chore to be sure.

In this effort to help the students visualize and achieve, we, as teachers may fall short. Much to the shock of the world (sarcasm) teachers are not perfect. But, as I have stated earlier, I don't claim, nor WANT to be a perfect teacher. It is the daily adventure that makes teaching attractive to me.

I guess the disenchantment comes when you work really hard to prepare lessons only to have the students totally disengage from what you are doing- or attempting to do. I can't always fix that, and I am working hard to not let it discourage me. After all, I offer after school help twice a week (rarely anyone stays), I offer lunch help and STRONGLY encourage students to to stay in at recesses and get help (rarely does anyone do so). Now, with the passing of bills that tie my paycheck to student achievement, I can see a new era dawning.

Teachers will fight back. See, if a student fails on purpose, the teacher will then fail the student. In high school, this could wreak havoc with scholarships and graduation potential. In elementary....really nothing to hold over their heads BUT grades, of which fewer and fewer students give any heed to. Teacher's will also abandon all teaching styles to "teach to the test". It will be a sad day for schools when teachers will become "Drill and Kill" masters once more in an attempt to get their students to pass "the test". Sadly, many of us have already started to leave the creative path for the more direct path.

What does all this mean? I'm not sure, but time will tell. But for now,
I am looking forward to a new week and an opportunity to once again work to convince students that math and reading is important, and to work to support and encourage, counsel...

Later...

Small Victory - Self Esteem

     As I sat thinking over the past week yesterday, I began to feel the battle wounds from the week take their place in my self-esteem. In fact, I almost had to title this post Large Retreat rather than Small Victory. I think one of the hardest things about teaching is trying to balance teaching students with working with parents. What I mean by that is that teaching students comes with many challenges on its own. Something happens at school and the student goes home and tell what they remember happening (which is mostly correct). Then the parent comes in and seeks clarification (or retaliation/apologies) and -Wa-La! A new, stressful situation.
     Are all teachers perfect? Doubt it! Am I perfect? I don't even wish...What I try to be is the best teacher I can for my students. You see, as a teacher it can very tempting to ignore students who do nothing. I mean, some would say that if a student doesn't want to learn, well that is their problem- Don't waste your time. But, silly Mr. Hughes can't/won't/refuses to do that. Oh, I have been tempted many times over the past 10 years of teaching. But deep inside me I know that every student can and should get the best education possible. After all, the USA is one of the only countries in the world where EVERYONE gets to have an education (No wonder other countries out test us...they only let the "smart" ones in their schools). I can't imagine a day with out my students. I need them as much as I need air to breathe. I find my greatest happiness and deepest sorrows as I work with my "kids". I only wish the students saw the "need" of their education in return.
     This week was no exception to all of this. I had to go through several sessions of explaining and ultimately apologizing for things I said or did (though I don't know that I agree with all of them). This totally was a huge blow to my self-esteem. I can't explain what it is like to know that an angry parent might show up in the doorway...or call the principal. Being a teacher is definitely and interesting adventure fraught with danger, excitement, and challenge.
    My small victory comes this week in knowing that despite all the challenges of the week...the regardless of how upset some parents may be with me...that I know I am doing my very best for every student in my classroom. That makes me happy and helps to re-inflate my self-esteem. To me, that is truly a victory.

Small Victory - Thursday

So, I have been off the radar for a while. Partly by choice...and partly by force.
I did want to share a small victory that I did have.

When the alarm went off, I wished with all my heart that it was any other day of the week. But...it wasn't. I groggily made my way to the alarm clock and hit the nooze button and climbed back into my child filled bed and pretended to rest for 10 more minutes. Repeat.

I knew on the third sounding of the alarm that I could no longer put off the inevitable. So, I turned off the alarm and made my way to the bathroom. A nice hot shower seemed to melt away some of the weariness. I emerged a little more ready for the day. It is always a chore to get the herd up and moving and out the door on time. Today was no exception, rather, it was almost an event all on its own.

As I made my to the school with my three children, I mentally prepared myself for the day. This day-Thursday-seems to be the hardest day of the week for me. I think it might have to do with the fact that it is near the end of the week, that the kids are ready for a break, and that we have a guest presenter every Thursday afternoon that the students refuse to be respectful for.

The day started with out much stress. Things seemed to be cruising along. "Hey" I thought. "I can do this today. I really can...". This it all hit the fan.

I had a student come to me and tell me that another student was being mean. I questioned this student multiple times to ensure I had this student's version. Then I called over the second student and got the low down. In the end, one had failed to tell the full truth. It only wasted 20 minutes of our class computer time to work it out. I was livid! Grrrr!

By the time our guest presenter made it to the classroom, I had had it! I stood up in front of the class and informed them (in front of our guest) that any major issue would result in immediate referral to the office. Surprisingly they were decent. They were far from stellar and I just know our guest presenter leaves and is glad to be out of our room. I usually get very discouraged at this point, which usually leads to anger or resentment. Today I felt neither. Is this a victory or numbness? I don't quite know either. But I was just relieved to end the day.

So, where is the Small Victory in this whole story? To me it was making it successfully through the day without being frustrated and angry the entire time. Was it a perfect day...no! But it was a better Thursday than I have experienced in a long, long time.

Later...

Small Victory- The Test

     With the possibility of failure looming above me like a cloud of despair just waiting to strike me between the eyes, I knew that it was going to be a long night. The hours ticked away reluctantly, as if they were enjoying my torment.
     Only a few short hours separated me from knowledge of complete happiness of deep despair. However, I was strangely at peace. I wasn't sure if it was because I had resigned myself to simply reordering the test for June, or if there was something more there- the confidence I had felt for about 10 minutes after I had handed in my testing booklet way back in January. Which ever it was, it was nice to not be thinking non-stop about a silly test.
    With sick kids the past few days, I was exhausted. So was my wife. We finally got all the children tucked up and we also retired for the evening. I knew that I could call and have all my worries confirmed or washed away at 5am, but knew that I would not be coherent enough to call at that time. Interestingly enough, when the alarm went off at 6:05am, I hit the snooze button and slept for another 10 minutes. I think I knew deep down that I could call anytime all day, but I could not get another 10 minutes of sleep anytime during the day. When the alarm went off again, I got up, turned off the alarm clock, and stood thinking about things for a minute. I knew that I wanted to know very, very much. I also knew that we had just spent a lot of money at the doctor's office, and that there would be more coming soon. I weighed my desire to know with the cost of finding out early. It really was not an easy decision. My wife had already told me the night before that she would be fine if I decided to call. I wavered for a few minutes before deciding to call.
     I silently walked through the house, around sleeping children, and down dark halls to get my iPod, my wallet, and the touch-tone phone. I set up camp at the kitchen table. I slowly dialed the phone knowing that I had waited not a day, not a week, not two weeks, but almost an entire month to get these results. All that was left was to enter a few pieces of information and the automated lady's voice on the other end of the phone would drone out my score- heartless and cold. The computer didn't care if I passed or not. I was just another credit card number to process in exchange for information that would make or devastate my day. I entered the last key piece of information- the expiration date of my credit card. The computer voice started to tell my score. Since the score on the test is between 100 and 200, I knew that my first digit would certainly be a 1. When she said "1", I wasn't shocked. The next digit would be the killer. It had to be at least a 6 to keep me in the running of passing . See, a passing score in Utah on the SLLA test is 163. The next digit was higher than a 6. I was grateful for that. The last digit didn't really matter anymore. I had passed. Or had I?
     Being that it was so early in the morning, not feeling well, and knowing that I wanted so desperately to pass, I began to doubt that I had heard the voice correctly. Unfortunately, it is a one time shot (or at least I missed to option to hear it again). I woke my wife and told her what I thought my score was. She cheered and I actually sobbed on her shoulder with relief. I was in complete shock. But, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn't trust what I had heard. I knew that I could contact customer service. Maybe they would be able to verify my score. That was my hope. They didn't open until after 10am my time, so I knew that I would have to teach through Friday before I could be sure. My wife was not having any of it. She congratulated me and told me how proud of me she was. (I still have your Christmas tag taped to my study guide dear. Thanks for your unwavering faith in me).
     My attention was quickly turned into another direction with my son who had by this time turned into a practically solid red dot. We got him an appointment at the clinic and I took him in before school. I ended up having to call Ms. D to go and open my room and watch for me until I could get there. It was a long day.
     When the bell rang for the kids to go home, I was voiceless (thanks to my sickness), exhausted, and ready to leave. I picked up my phone to call and verify my score. My voice sounded like a short-circuiting electronic parrot. When the live lady on the other end answered, I was grateful to have a real person to talk to. I apologized for my voice and made sure she could hear me. I explained my situation and she was happy to help me out. I had verify a bunch of information again (some it several times for her to hear it correctly), and then I asked if the score I had heard was correct. She confirmed that I had indeed passed my test. She congratulated me and ended the call. I sat back in my chair- a victor...tired, exhausted, mentally drained- BUT a happy winner none-the-less. That my friends, is my little victory for the week.

Later...

Small Victory #2

"Here Mr. Hughes" he said as he handed me one of many missing assignments I had been asking to have done for weeks.
I smiled, "Thanks buddy! Make sure your name is on it and put it on my desk." He smiled back and set it on my desk.

This is one tough cookie that I work with every day. Yesterday had involved a situation that required me to detain this student after school. It was a chance to express my concerns, as I started into my well rehearsed speech, I looked at this student who wanted nothing more than to be rid of me. I knew I was using the wrong tactic completely. I stopped mid-stream.

"I just want to tell you that I am proud of you!"

A pause from the student. A quick look to see if I was still talking to him.

"Yes, YOU! I know that I have asked you to make a lot of changes for me and our classroom. But I don't think I have ever told you thank you for well you are doing. I know I ask a lot from you- and that is only because I know that you can do it!"

Still a look of uncertainty. This brought back a thought I had read on an education blog somewhere about how you should try to avoid using the word "but" when giving praise- like "You did really well, but, I wish you were doing better". It takes the pleasure out of the praise. I knew that I had to avoid that at all costs. He was looking at me now as I thought about what to say next.

"I just thought I should let you know how much I appreciate you and all you do." It was time to end the "lecture" and let him bask in something positive for a change. "You better head home now. I expect to see good things from you!"

He smiled a little and stood up. We he offered me a high-five- a tradition in our classroom, and was gone. I sat thinking for moment as he left that these amazing kids just need more from me:
more attention
more praise
more sincere teaching

I only hope I can give it to them. I am happy about today's small victory. I hope to have many more to share.

Later...

A Small, but Important Victory

I knew the minute that I entered the classroom that I was going to have "one of those days". I had been working through many scenarios in my head of how I would handle this situation and I was curious to see how this instance would play out. As it drew nearer to starting time for school, I grew more apprehensive about how it would all go down.

As the bell rang, I worked to strengthen my resolve, stood up, and waited by the door to greet my herd. Students started to file into the room, some alone, some in small groups. Still the one I was waiting for had not arrived. I began to think that possibly I would be off the hook and this student would not be attending school. That was not to be. Right before the second bell the student arrived and sat down.

I knew that the day before, when the student had stayed for help after school with many other students, and had left angry and yelling that it was going to be an interesting morning. I had worked had to maintain a clam demeanor and not express the frustration and anger that I had felt. I feel that I did a good job of not expressing any excitable emotion. I let the student yell and me and be angry. This had transferred to silence and being ignored. I wasn't sure what to expect as the student returned the next day, but I was ready...or so I thought.

The reception was chilly to say the least. This student, usually so eager to visit with me, gave me the cold shoulder and moved as far away as possible from me in morning meeting. I was prepared for this exact treatment and "retaliated" with my own attack. I simply ignore this student. Boy did that work. Within the hour, the student was back to full operation with in the classroom community- participating, visiting, and for the most part happy.

A small victory for this teacher who, in an attempt to show compassion, empathy, and forgiveness- sometimes forgets that a firm, calm reprimand is required for a healthy and balanced teacher-to-students experience.

I just thought I would share my small victory.

Later...