Day #23- Adult ICU

Twenty-Three Days. Wow.
With it comes another angry day. I think it started when I called the doctors office of the man who assisted in my wife C-section about 7 weeks ago. I had called and asked to speak to their billing department (seeing how I had received his bill for assisting and considering I am a little busy helping my wife I didn't have access to the needed resources to pay it, and honestly, I was angry to even receive the bill) and was told that the billing lady was not in the office and could she call me when she returned. I gave them my cell-phone number and waited.

and waited...

and waited...

Finally the call came in. It went down something like this:

Me: Hello

Her: Is this John Hughes?

Me: Why yes it is.

Her: I am calling from Dr. Brady's office. I was told you had a question about a bill we sent you?

Me: Actually I was calling to tell you that I will not be paying the bill until I can get home. You see, I have been sitting with my wife in the ICU at Utah Valley Regional as a result of the surgery that Dr. XXXXX assisted with.

Her: (Stammering) Umm...ok...I will..uh...put a note on the file....um....stating that what you just said. ok?

Me: That would be great.

Her: Have a nice... (CLICK- I hang up)

Me: (In my head) Why us? I am SO angry about this! (To my wife) We don't have to worry about that bill until we get home.


The rest of the day has been spent waiting and waiting and waiting for them to move my wife to the 6th floor like was discussed at 9am this morning. In fact, the nurse that has been on shift has pretty much ignored my wife all day as they thought she would be moving. That helped me feel less angry, let me tell you.

I guess I am just mad because I should be home with my kids who need me, I should be sitting in my summer professional development classes learning what I need to know to be a better math teacher next year, I need to sort out the left overs of my school year...

Upon inspection you will notice that the last several sentences started with "I". It is pretty selfish, to say the least, and I know that. It just adds to the anger and frustration I already feel.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (breath) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

There. I guess that helped a teeny tiny bit.

Let's turn our discussion to my wife. She has had an amazing day as far as accomplishing things. She has ALL tubes removed from her body, so she is up and down much more often now. The best part, she can get up and down almost all by her self now. The only part she needs help with (and she CAN do it if she has too) is get her feet back on the bed.

We even went for a pretty long walk. We went up by the ICU she started in and then down to the main lobby, around by the gift shop and up the elevators in the Adult ICU waiting room and around the Adult ICU square before coming in for a landing. She also had her last PT session this morning. So she is a PT graduate.

We did have a visitor this afternoon. Scott Roberston stopped in and visited with us for a few minutes. It was nice to see someone from home again. It helps to anchor me a little. I wish I could explain what I am feeling inside right now...

I am not sure I even know what it is, or what is causing it. Honestly, I don't even have the energy to try and figure it out right now. What I think I will do is go on a long walk and just not think about anything. I guess being numb has its advantages.

Maybe when I return and continue this post I will feel much better. Until then...

I did a lap around the hospital block...which is HUGE. I even blocked everything but breathing and walking out of my head. I can't tell you anything I thought about other than distance and how warm it was. Sadly, it didn't help. But, it was nice to be outside.

When I got back I helped my wife get out of bed to use the restroom and then dozed in my chair. My aunt called and asked if they could come and visit. They showed up not to long afterwards. We had a very nice visit. They were very kind and brought our baby girl a new little outfit and a very cute pink giraffe musical toy. For my wife, they brought a night gown and nice robe. It was very thoughtful and we appreciate it very much.

My wife had her dinner and did a good job eating. I was proud of her. She seems to be getting her appetite back slowly but surely.

This evening we have just chilled and watched TV. My 6 year-old did call to ask if he could play his DS, so I was proud of him for asking even though he knows we aren't home. We watched America's Got Talent, which is really just an embarrassment to America for most of the people they put on there. There are a few people with real talent, like the russian bar lady. But Tron guy...really? Or the needle lady that stuck needles through her legs...???

After AGT, we watched The Voice. I really like the format, I am just not really liking most of the contestants songs. You would think that music stars know how to choose songs for their teams, but, sadly it isn't so.

Well, I am going to be heading out to the Guest House in a minute. I am very tired and feeling very depressed. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I guess I could add that we did NOT get moved to the main floor today. They didn't have any rooms. So we are still in the Adult ICU until one opens up...or I guess we go home. I am hoping for Friday of this week, but am guessing it will be more like Monday of next week. Only time and Dr. Lichti will tell...

Later...

Day #21- Adult ICU (The Day of Rest)

Today marks our 21st day here at the hospital.
3 weeks.
21 days.
504 hours.
30,240 minutes.
1,814,400 seconds.
Time that wasn't wasted, per say, because  looking at where we started and where we ended up- we have been very blessed. Sadly, it is just time that could have been spent watching our son play little league, bonding with our seven week old baby that doesn't even know we really exist, enjoying the cool evenings on our front patio with our kids, snuggling on the couch with our babies and watching TV or reading a book.

I know,
I know,
I know.

I can't change what has happened, I can't make it all better, and I most certainly shouldn't continue to harbor the anger and frustration that seems to come and go in waves. I can only hope that in time I will be able to deal with it and move on. I think once we are home and have reestablished some normalcy, I will have a chance to confront and deal with those feelings that I am currently repressing. All that matters right now is that we get my wife home healthy.

Today was a good day. I was pretty late getting to her room. I didn't even get out of bed until 9:00am and it was 9:40am before I was able to kiss her good morning. I had already missed her chest x-rays (which I didn't even know she was having) and her PT session. What a slacker I am...

The nurse did come in shortly after I arrived and let us know that the x-rays looked "pristine". So that was nice. I guess they were checking for pneumonia.  My wife was trying to eat her breakfast when I arrived and did a pretty good job of getting a few bites down of everything they gave her. She is eating more and more food, little by little. This is where patience comes in. Yippeee...NOT.

She actually spent a decent part of the morning dozing off and on. I spent the morning syncing my iPod to my laptop which meant a complete disaster for me, but I got it all worked out. Sometime around noon, we had our weekly sacrament visitors who came and gave us the sacrament and a spiritual thought. I love that. It helps keep us anchored in a little normalcy. After that I simply sat by my wife and held her hand until around 2pm when he PT team arrived and I headed out to wash my laundry and have dinner in Springville with Colter and Becky. Colter also gave me a haircut. It was nice. I went from Grizzly Adams to Mr. Hughes again.

As you can see from this crappy picture my hair is much shorter and hopefully less gray. I can't thank my Springville friends enough for their continued help and support by feeding me and letting me use their laundry room. You two are life savers (cherry flavored, even).

When I returned from dinner and clothes washing, I found my sister Suzette and two of her children visiting with my wife. It was nice to chat with her for a while. When she decided to leave (7pm) I walked her part way out and was pleased to see Aunt Patsy and Uncle Larry heading in. I was able to walk back up the room with them. It wasn't but a few minutes later that my wife's parents arrived to say hello for a while as well. Her parents had come all the way from Green River after dropping off my little herd at home. I know that my wife was very appreciative of them coming all that way to see her. They all left around 9pm and I headed down to the Crap-pa West (Cafe West- that is the name one of the nurses told me. When he said that I laughed pretty hard... the food IS getting a bit old, I must say.) While I was eating, my wife decided to try her regular Boost drink. She actually got the entire bottle down. I was very proud of her.

Tomorrow is a day that should bring lots of answers, and with any luck, no new questions. She is going to have to drink about 6 cups of liquid for her scan. She is anxious about that. They told her if she can't, they will put a tube down her nose and pump it into her stomach. I hope they don't have to do that... blah.

If things look good, they will start removing some, if not all, of her five drains and possibly move us to the main floor (medical tower). This means that our children could come and see their mom. It has been 3 weeks since my wife has touched her children and remembers doing it.

I know that she is improving. I can see it in her face, her attitude, and her conversation. But I also know that in her heart she is aching something fierce for her babies, especially her now 10+ lbs, 7 week old baby that she has missed the last 3 weeks of her life.

It hurts me too.

I wish I could make everything all better, wave a wand and erase this whole experience. Then I stop and think for a minute about all that has happened. I wouldn't wish this on anyone EVER, and I wish with all my heart I had acted like a responsible spouse and took my wife to a doctor that would listen to her.

But, I also stop to think about the events that have taken place since we arrived here and I know that blessings are being earned and given and shared. All I can do is thank my Father in Heaven for all the blessings that have been poured out on my family and those who have reached out to help us.

 I have said it before, and I will say it again here- I know this will change our family forever. I know that my wife and I will feel indebted and almost guilty for all the love and support we hav required of others during this time, for the rest of our mortal lives.

Thanks for all your love and support. I will update you tomorrow as soon as I have any information to share.

Later...

Day #20- Adult ICU (Eat, Drink, and Be Merry...)

Saturday is a special day...it's the day we get ready for....

MORE WAITING! :)

Today has been an interesting day. I woke up at 7:15am and hit snooze on my iPod. Nine minutes later (9 minutes...who thinks these things up...) it went off again. This time I simply turned it off and went back to sleep. I awoke around 8:30am and was showered, dressed, and looking at my wife's gorgeous face by 9:15am.

She informed me that I had already missed her morning PT session...RUDE!:)

That is okay. I was content to pull up my AWESOME (NOT!) recliner and snuggle in for the duration. While I worked on updates, journaling, and playing Words With Friends (of which I have to have my wife help me at times, because I am BAD at that game...and especially Hanging with Friends) and just holding her hand (my favorite activity).

In the early part of the morning, my wife's grandmother called and asked if she could stop by for a visit. We were delighted to have her and her daughter (my wife's Aunt Vicki) stop in for a visit. They also "hijacked" me for lunch (as Grandma put it). We went to Five Guys. Very tasty and fun. It was nice to get to know her aunt and grandma a bit better as well. In fact, after we ate, we went to the new Desert Book store that was just across the way and of course, I spent like WAY TOO MUCH and they didn't spend anything. Of course, they were excellent at helping me find good books that my wife would enjoy, and since I LOVE books, it was an easy sell. 

On the way back, they also stopped at Arctic Circle and bought my wife a chocolate shake. (I got a Snickers one...yum!). They came back up to the room and chatted for a little while longer and then headed home. 

While we waited for 6pm and Colter and Becky to come for a visit, I was able to read her a chapter out of the scriptures since she is like a month behind on her reading. I enjoyed being able to share that time with her. It was peaceful, calming, and uplifting- something we both needed (and still do...).

Next, it was time for my wife's PT session. She wanted to head out to the patio again. Because the staff was behind schedule they told her she couldn't stay very long. We worked it so that they left her with me and went to the next patient, saying they would return after they finished. I can't begin to describe how nice it was to put my arm around my wife's shoulders and let her lay her head on my shoulder. We haven't been able to do anything but hold hands for 3 weeks, so that was wonderful. We both sat and cried together and then laughed at our silliness. Those are the moments that keep me sane and refill my hope that all this really will end one day.

I am pretty sure I fell asleep in there are some point for a bit before they came. We had finished reading and was just listening to the TV for a while. I would wake up and notice that she was sleeping so I would smile and close my eyes again. Our nurse did come in at one point and tell us she had been going over the results of my wife's lab work and was excited to share that all her cultures had not grown anything. Apparently she is free from infection. I hope that is true.

Around 6pm, I got a call saying that it would be a few more minutes before our friends arrived (which is all good because I have done that to them several times...and it isn't like I was going anywhere). They picked me up and we went to Rubio's. Interesting restaurant...I liked it a lot. (Thanks for dinner you two!).

We returned as quickly as we could (including a quick stop at Rite-Aide) and then visited until almost 9:30pm. After they left (I hope your kids were okay...) I pulled out one of the new books I bought today and started reading to her. Silly book is about a man that lost his wife and is supposed to find a new one. We were both crying through it. Not sure what I was thinking on that one...lol. But it is a good story and we are enjoying reading together. (The Bishop's Bride is the title, incase you were wondering that)

That brings our day in for a landing. Another fun-filled day here in Provo, Utah has come to a close. We are excited to get to Monday for her CT scan. I am hoping that once that is done we can get the drains out, move to the main floor (of which many of your are excited for so you can send flowers...but may I suggest that you put that money in a card and send it to her. With all her weight loss she is going to need a new wardrobe and it will mean much more to her to have clothes to wear than flowers to look at for a few days. I hope that didn't sound rude...) and have a more definite timeline of when we can come home.

Again, a shout-out to all of you who are working to help our sweet little family. The kids will be back home tomorrow and with any luck we will be heading home in less than 10 days. And Heather...you are doing way more than you think you are. You are a great friend and we appreciate all you are doing. I would LOVE to see your pictures as well. Thanks for caring...

Well everyone...it is late and it is TIME FOR BED!

Later...

Day #17- Adult ICU (On Hold...)

Greetings Blogland...

What a day it has been! Lots of positive things happened today and I couldn't be more proud of my beautiful blue-eyed girl. She was a real trooper today.

Not only did she survive two rounds of physical therapy (of which she is going farther each day and session) she also was asked to have her experience written up by one of her doctors to be printed in major medical journals in an effort to share so that others may not have to experience this same situation. I am curious to see the final version and hear which journals we make it in. On of our nurses today told me that Dr. Lichti had stated that he has not seen an abdomen as bad as my wife's in his thirty years of doing surgery. So, apparently is was pretty bad...

We did get a visit from Bishop Bayles and his wife. It was nice to have visitors today. My wife and I also watched America's Got Talent. Interesting season to say the least. We are waxing weary of the drama between Piers and Howie. I think they are over doing it A LOT!!!!!!

I headed home a little early. I wasn't feeling to well. We will see how that plays out tomorrow. That would be great. "Let's get the flu while we are in Provo...". Yeah...let's not even go there!

It was raining as I headed out the doors to the Guest House. I must say that it was wonderful to walk home in the cool refreshing wet air. I couldn't help but think how the rain washes away all the ugliness and leaves cleanness and a feeling of new beginnings. I needed those feelings tonight...

I don't really know what else to say for today. She did great and I hope tomorrow is just as wonderful.

I love you babe!

Later...

Day #15- ICU (Going Up? ...Nope...)

Day 15 has led me to really ponder on all of this. As I reflect of the surreal life I have been living the last two weeks, I am beginning to realize just how much of a disconnect I  have with my "previous" version of life.

Today has been a wonderful day and a day of a few setbacks.

THE GOOD:
-Had two more sessions of Physical Therapy today and was quite successful with both. She is doing better with each session. I haven't been in a session since her first session. I usually use that time to eat, stretch, or just go for a short walk. I am very proud of how well she is doing . She is in a lot of pain all the time and handles it well.

-Her voice is about back to full bore. I can't even begin to describe how much I love being able to talk to her and have her respond with a smile and those blue eyes. She has even had conversations with a few of her family and friends. (If you DO call, please keep it short. Her voice tires quickly...she won't tell you she needs to go, but you can tell her voice gets weak).

THE BAD:
-We will be in ICU until at least Wednesday, or so we were told today. Dr. Lichti wants her to take it really slow (which is annoying her A LOT...lol). We were told that we were moving to the 6th floor of the main medical tower today, but then that came to a halt when Dr. Lichti wanted her to stay and ordered more tests for today and probably Wednesday.

-She had to have ultrasounds on both her legs and her left arm. They are checking for blood clots. We haven't heard back yet, so I don't know what the results are as of yet. I am guessing that if it was anything too serious, they would have taken immediate action.

-The Wednesday tests are going to include CT Scans and I am guess more blood work. They are working to isolate the cause of her random higher fevers. I hope they can do so soon.

THE UGLY:
-Thankfully we have nothing to report that fits in this category at this time. We hope it stays that way...


I enjoyed being able to hang out with Mr. Z today during the no visitor hours. I got to see his classroom, glean some AWESOME ideas for next year, and relax and visit for a while. He also came back to the hospital with me and met my wife. I have a feeling he is going to become a close family friend for years to come. Thanks Mr.Z for including me in your day. Kelly P. also came to visit us this evening. It was nice to visit with her and catch up on the 6 years since we have moved.

Tomorrow (or today rather) should be nice. A few scheduled visitors will be just the thing to keep my wife's spirits up. Thanks to everyone for all your prayers, love, thoughts, and support.

We are going to beat this thing...hopefully sooner than later!

Later...

Day #5- ICU

Well, when you add 5 +5 + 5 you get 15. I think. So, what does that have to do with anything? A lot actually. I have had 15 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. Now, I know that the average is about 4 hours per night (which experts would tell you is NOT okay), but it has been 5 hours each night for three nights. So that is better. It really helps that I have some funds to stay at the Guest House across the street. Thanks again to everyone who has helped out.

When I arrived this morning, I grilled the nurse about her condition. Okay, maybe not "grilled" as that sounds like I yelled and stuff. I was a big question box. I have to give a huge kudos to the staff here at UVRMC. Talk about amazing. They really are a caring group. Never once have they made me feel dumb or silly for asking. In fact, they are constantly checking to see if I have any questions. I must say that I am getting good and telling what all the beeps and alarms mean (and this is good as it helps me not get as worried when they sound).

So, the update for the moment is (and I figure life is unpredictable and I can't go for more than the moment):
-Lungs clear
-Blood looks great (Still infected, however)
-Temp coming down and almost normal (she is at 37.4 C which is 99.3 F)
-Has been writing down questions like, "What day is it?", "How do I look?", and "Why can't I remember anything?" (And her handwriting is amazing even when she is sedated).
-Her surgery is scheduled for 2pm today. They are going to go back into her abdomen and check for infection, make sure her bowels are not sticking again, and some other tasks that I can't remember right now. If it look good, Monday will be the day they will close her up. So everyone PRAY REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD that she will be clean inside so we can move forward.

I am holding up well. I get asked that question a lot. I have a place to sleep at night and shower in the morning. I can even do laundry there, so that is nice. I have changed my cell phone voice mail message to a status update, so you can always call and get the latest info there, check here, or Face Book. My minutes are still in peril (and thanks for some good friends in Springville they doubled what I had or I wouldn't even be able to talk at ALL on the phone. I am on Skype now, so if you would like to visit that way for short periods of time, e-mail me and I will send you my username so you can find me.

I am looking forward to my parents and family coming today. It is ALWAYS nice to have family and friends around...and you have all done that so WONDERFULLY! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Well, I just asked her if she wants lotion on her feet and she nodded her head yes. So that is what I am going to do now. I will try to keep you updated as best I can.

Later...